Kevin Hart said it best, when he reminded us that our boyfriend’s friends are not our “brothers.” He even went as far as saying that their loyalty is not with us and that if it came down to it, the “homies” would even put Bae in with another woman. 

I ain’t gon’ lie… it’s happened to me a few times. Smh.

Although a man along with his friends may have hurt us in the past, it is imperative that we don’t carry that hurt with us once we enter a new relationship. Believe me Sis, I get it! You really feel some type of way after being that super cool girlfriend and then… you know what lol… I am not even about to get into all that smh. I’m starting to have flashbacks. 

 

Anyway… let’s remember that while friends do influence relationships, the only person that can be held responsible is the one that you’re in a relationship with. We are all grown. Period.

However, I can identify with feeling uneasy when Bae goes out with that one homeboy who is always in some s***. I mean, my husband is a whole Alpha from FAMU. I remember when we began dating… he was always with D’vante (@modvante) and Polo (@polo0632). Chile, every hang out gave me anxiety lol. One night, I woke up and his line-brother, Devin (@deven_eleven) was on my couch! In my head I was like “oh hell nal!” I remember wanting to set boundaries with Stephan when it came to his homeboys but I had to realize that—that was not my place. If I felt like I needed to tell him who he could hang out with and where, then we did not need to be together. Warming up to his reality was difficult because I was mistreated several times before. I didn’t need Kevin Hart to give me the run down. I was well aware. Alexis was no stranger to that type of pain. I already experienced reading text messages where mutual friends would send my then boyfriend invitations to cheat. And when I say mutual friends I mean people that I’d known for over ten years. So I couldn’t imagine what a stranger would do. BUT why was I trippin? Stephan’s friends hadn’t done anything to me and Stephan was not responsible for that pain. So after seeking wise counsel, I decided to move differently and I gave everyone a fair chance.

Yes, there is space and opportunity for anything to go down but we can’t treat people like they are guilty until proven innocent. There comes a time when a man will put childish things away for a woman whom he loves. I wholeheartedly believe that. 

Shoot, when the love hits differently the loyalty will line up, and everybody will fall in line.

So if you are somewhere between learning how to trust your man and trying to respect his relationship with his homeboys. I encourage you to pray about it and stay in your place. Your place may even entail being alone. Especially if you are beginning to act crazy due to trust issues. You can’t be out here ruining friendships and being angry just because you are carrying hurt from your past. 

If you are in a serious relationship and have these reservations, seek counseling before getting engaged. You don’t want to be ruling out groomsmen because you feel like folk can’t be trusted… with no receipts.

 

I am sure Stephan and his friends have done a lot of things that I will never know about. Partly because I wasn’t in the picture at the time and on the other hand, it’s not my business. Once he made the decision that he was going to take our relationship seriously, the people he loves respected that. Or that’s what they showed me anyway. As a man, it’s his job to correct and dismiss anyone who comes against our marriage. It’s not my place to be disrespectful or have an attitude with someone who I don’t think is supporting us. So to be clear, if your man is allowing someone to enter his life and encourage him to disrespect y’all union… he’s the problem. Not the friend.

I want to give a shout out to all of my husband’s friends. Hehehe 🙂 It was pretty tough warming up to the fact that Stephan is in a fraternity. There was so much stereotypical drama that I felt would come with that. But after opening up and getting to know him and his friends, I am so grateful that I stepped out on faith. I am so thankful that God blessed him with such a powerful brotherhood. I know that they have his back and that they love him. Most of all, I know he loves them and I know that fellowshipping with his friends brings him so much joy. Honestly, now that I have embraced those relationships… I’d be scared if he didn’t have friends. I look at some dudes and think “He need some nigga-homeboys in his life because he’s wayyyy too into female stuff.” That’s just me keeping it one-hunnit.

• If you feel resentment and hate in your heart due to issues from your past. Try your best to give your partner a chance to enjoy his friends without nagging. Don’t punish him for what someone else did.

• If you decided to stay in a relationship with a man who lied and cheated while with a friend—do your best to forgive, since you stayed. Second chances should come with caution and a clean slate. Try to turn a new leaf. Don’t antagonize him and separate him from his friends.

Hope this hits home for a few people.

XoXo,

Mrs. Blount or Just Call Me Lex

So you’ve found the perfect guy and you know that he’s the one.

AND GIRLLL… If you’re anything like me and my girlfriends…

1.     Your Pinterest boards are set!

2.     You have your bridal party line up!

3.     The wedding #hashtag is ready!

The next step is to find a venue BUT you cannot decide between a huge solitaire or a gaudy, cushion cut cluster engagement ring!

You’re sending pictures to all of your girlfriends to help decide but you’re torn and you have to hurry and make a decision because you feel it in your bones…  he’s ready to pop the question. 

Just chill sis! I am here to help.

On your next off day, grab your BFF and head to the mall. I think it’s best to go browse on your own or with a friend before going with Bae. Especially if you aren’t sure what you want. 

• It’s important that you go ahead and get your ring size because IT MUST FIT PERFECTLY for the iconic “I said YES” photo on IG! 

• Once you get sized, try on every ring because they look different on your hand than they do in pictures.

• After getting an idea of what you like, ask the jeweler for the price and see where you are. That way if your Boo takes you ring shopping, you don’t look crazy pointing at a $50,000 ring and you won’t make him feel uncomfortable. 

WARNING: Your future fiancé may or may not take your input. He may even increase or decrease the size of the diamond to fit his budget after you show him what you like. I suggest that you keep an open mind and give him a list of your top 3 choices and pray for the best!

Diamonds are beautiful, timeless, eternal and unparalleled in strength:

True qualities of an ideal marriage.

Choosing the perfect cut, color, clarity and carat is important. I’m a solitaire type of girl. I love single stones… big or small. So going ring shopping was a breeze for me. I knew exactly what I wanted. However, I did not know how expensive those pretty little rings were. I remember going into the jewelry store and showing the jeweler a photo of a ring that I found on Pinterest! BUT whew chile, the joke was on me. They didn’t even carry 6 carat, radiant cut diamonds in the store and furthermore, Stephan wasn’t dishing out over $80,000 for an engagement ring. 

It all depends on what you want. Often times, you think you like one thing but then you go to the store and find something totally different. Maybe size is more important than clarity and quality. You want to have a ring the size of Beyonce’s… you aren’t worried about anything else… It just needs to be big! PERIOD. Maybe you just want a single stone with a simple band. That’s okay too. If Bae is letting you choose. GET WHAT YOU WANT SIS!

One of my girlfriends isn’t really into jewelry so it didn’t make sense for her husband to go out and buy her a huge rock. She cares nothing about it. She didn’t ask for anything flashy but her husband blessed her with a beautiful quad style ring. Far more than what she expected because she isn’t into jewelry. He could’ve just proposed with a new purse and she would’ve been the happiest woman on earth. Literally.

So sister to sister, be considerate and remember that the ring is a gift! We should be grateful that we are being asked to marry the man of our dreams, regardless of the style and size. I totally understand wanting the perfect ring because I am into diamonds. Shoot, if I could have a VVS diamond necklace, bracelet and belly ring… I would. But the reality is, we don’t get everything on our wish list.

Here’s a link that’ll break down diamonds, costs and ultimately expose you to quality engagement rings.

http://www.kings1912.com/blog/guide-engagement-wedding-rings/

Remember that bigger doesn’t always mean better. Sometimes… less is more.

Toota-Loo 😘

XoXo,

Mrs. Blount

Or You Can Just Call Me Lex

This will probably be the shortest blog ever… because it’s simple.

If you have to think about it more than twice… don’t invite. Let’s say it together and loud so that we don’t forget. “If you have to think about it more than twice, don’t invite.”

There were only a few people that I didn’t want to invite and looking back, I should’ve gone with my first thought. 

I understand that parents pay for the wedding and everything BUT this isn’t a first birthday party. People aren’t coming to celebrate you on a day that you won’t remember ten years from now. This is your wedding. Invite the people that know your love and are there to really celebrate you. Not your parents, not your friend’s friend or your great grandmother’s ex-husband’s sister that stills sends you a check on Christmas every year. I mean, if you want a large wedding and you don’t have a budget then I guess it’s not a problem… but don’t have a guest list of 200 people and then look back on your wedding in 3 months and feel like you cut corners on décor and food. 

Disclaimer: It’s okay to allow your parents to invite friends if you’re able (financially) or if they are paying.

I ran my guest list by my Fairy Bride Mother and told her about the folks I was going to invite out of pity. Those are the same people that drank allllll my alcohol, didn’t even bring me a congratulatory card or didn’t show up at all. So before you go there… don’t say I didn’t tell you. 

Now for those of you reading who aren’t getting married and may possibly be invited to a wedding. Here are a few house rules 🙂

1. Dress appropriately. No one wants to see the crack of your behind in their photos & Grandma Betty doesn’t want to be blinded by your boobs.

2. Baby, bring a gift. Can’t we all find a card at the dollar tree for $1 and write God Bless?

3. Open Bar doesn’t mean get wasted. Have some class.

4. Be on time. 

5. Let the photographer do his job.

6. Turn your phone on silent.

7. If you are a plus one… act like you want to be there. We see your face in the photos later and it’s not cute when it looks like you’re in ISS (In School Suspension) while your classmates are at Disney World!

8. RSVP on time and don’t show up if you didn’t RSVP. PERIOD.

9. DON’T ASK FOR AN INVITE! THAT IS TACKY!!!

10. Lastly, If something happens and you can’t show up. Try to tell the bride and groom in advance AND STILL SEND A GIFT. They paid for you to be there.

To the bride and groom 🙂

Things happen. Don’t get upset if someone can’t make it to your wedding for good reason. I think we had one no show and it worked out perfectly because one of our guests brought a plus one. Remember that everyone doesn’t know proper wedding etiquette. Be patient with your family and friends. If you’re having trouble getting your point across to the guests… remember that word of mouth is the best way to get those details out.

Happy Planning!

 

Love,

Mrs. Blount

Or You Can Just Call Me Lex!

Whew Chile… the big question that makes or breaks millennial relationships. Will you be my bridesmaid?

Planning your wedding is arguably one of the most exciting times in your life! This is a glorious occasion! The feeling is so magical and it’s all about you! Well, if your fiancé is anything like my husband (hehehe) it’s about both of you. LOL.

Selecting a bridal party is so much fun but it can become stressful REAL QUICK! I mean, how are you supposed to choose between you best friend ever, college roommates, high school pals, your favorite cousins and your sister-in-laws? You’re probably tossing and turning at night thinking about how you’re going to pull this off without hurting feelings and ruining relationships!

First of all, if someone doesn’t want to be your friend or decides to throw your relationship away just because you didn’t ask them to be in your wedding… THEY ARE CANCELED. Return that friend or family member to the sender! Seriously because it’s not that deep! I mean of course the ladies should feel honored to stand by your side but if someone isn’t asked, that doesn’t mean that you love them any less. Sometimes brides have reasons for selecting one friend or family member over the other. You have a right to be very selective when creating your dream team for your big day. You need real ride or die chicks that will be able to provide the best service and care for you until the last song is played at the reception. Don’t think about how long you’ve known the person but consider their willingness to do and give. This is a selfless experience on behalf of your bridesmaid. Can she handle that?

If you’re having a difficult time selecting your bridal party, hopefully this post will alleviate some of the stress that comes with making the decision!

 

•SOME SAY THINK TWICE BEFORE ASKING… I SAY THINK 5 TIMES!

Make your list, narrow it down and pray about it. Make sure you aren’t asking just so you won’t leave someone out or because you think their feelings will be hurt. At the end of the day, it’s about you! Remember that being a bridesmaid is a commitment and a huge responsibility. Make sure you think about the person you’re asking and how being a bridesmaid will fit into their busy life. Are they planning on getting married soon, having a baby or starting a new business? Will they have time or extra money to spend on you? Being a bridesmaid is expensive and time consuming! If she says no or if you decide not to ask… it’s not the end of the world.

Believe it or not, people who aren’t in the wedding end up being your saving grace. One of my best friends helped me get dressed. Her sewing kit and calm personality was much needed. She and my cousin set the tone for a blissful day! I am so glad that they weren’t in my bridal party. They were exactly where they needed to be. People frown at the thought of having “Bride Attendants” but I believe they’re a necessity!

 

•Pause. Don’t move too fast!

Be patient with yourself while making this decision. Wait a season or two if you have time to spare. See what the next holiday will bring or what shifts after a month or two.

Overall, make sure you make a wise decision and don’t move with haste. Consider the personalities of the ladies as a whole. You want everyone to get along and work well together. You can’t predict the future but try to make sure you’re selecting a good group of mature women who want you to have all the things you dreamed of, if possible.

 

•Be considerate.

 Hardships arise but it wouldn’t be wise to ask Anne to be in your wedding if you know she’s going through financial problems. It’s selfish and it will probably cause conflict amongst the girls. Pull her aside and ask her if she wants to be a bridesmaid before sending her a big pretty box. She may not know how to say no.

Everyone should be aware of the price before they commit and honestly, that still may not avoid issues coming up later. You may have some penny pinchers in the bunch but if they were made aware of the expenses before hand, they will be okay. Don’t be offended if someone tells you they can’t or don’t want to commit due to financial reasons. It’s better for them to say no versus dealing with people stressing about money after they say yes because then you will feel bad.

You only get to do this once so if you want to sacrifice some of the things you want to better accommodate your friends and family, do so. But please find a happy medium. If you’re extra and over the top, they may say it’s ridicuouls but chile its 2019 and the price is going up. By the time they get married it’ll be about the same if not more and they won’t understand until it’s their time. Compromise but don’t lower your standards.

Don’t forget to utilize Pinterest and Amazon. Bargain & do research before setting your mind on a 2000 experience. That’s crazy lol

 

•Who knows you best?

Your bridesmaids should know you and know your style. You gals are close aren’t you? Your besties should know if you’d prefer a pizza and movie night vs Mexico and magaritas for your bachelorette party.

This is a once in a lifetime experience. Pick the ladies that will give you everything you dreamed of to the best of their ability.

I advise you to pick the women who will treat your experience as if it’s their own. Women who will not give  you any crap about your expectations and make all of your events and wedding day nothing short of amazing.

 

•Don’t think you’re doing everyone a favor by asking them to be in your wedding!

I am sure that several people are happy that I didn’t ask them to be in my wedding. I think they enjoyed celebrating with no commitment!

Oh and just because she asked you, doesn’t mean you don’t have to ask her. That’s not how this works. This is your time… remember that.

 

•Choose your maid of honor appropriately.

 This was tough for me. My little sister and I are very close and I am also close to my cousins. I am the girl who wears several hats and several BFF bracelets. I think my oldest best friendship is going on 12 years and guess what? She was not my maid of honor. She actually wasn’t in my wedding. She ended up being on picture patrol at my reception and we are still just as close.

Your maid of honor sets the tone for your bridal party. She is super helpful and hands on! That positive energy, organization and willingness to give you the experience that you’ve longed for will have a domino effect on the other girls. Make sure she’s vibrant and excited! She should know all the details about your wedding as if it were her own. This is your right hand, ride or die chick. She should have tangibles, be available and be mature enough to deal with your party and plan all of the festivities. From the cute little slogans, hashtags, finding a dress on down to picking up the bouquets and helping you move around in your gown…. she is there!

I like the idea of having a maid and matron of honor.

 

•Let your heart do the work.

I will never forget how torn I felt between two of my friends. Why didn’t I add both? Remember how I told y’all that I’ve always known what I wanted? I only wanted 8 bridesmaids. So in the midst of battling between the two, I let my heart lead me and I am so grateful that I chose who I did because she was amazing!!! She had the perfect spirit and she was always helpful and supportive. The other chick kicked me to the curb a few months after and didn’t even come to my wedding.

Moral of the story, trust your gut.

 

Overall, I enjoyed my bridal party experience. Outside of my cousin who was my matron of honor, I was the first to get married and I think it was almost everyone’s first time being in a wedding. Everyone worked really hard and sacrificed so that I could be happy! At the end of the day, that’s what counts.

 

Toota-Loo!

Xoxo,

Mrs. Blount or Just Call Me Lex.

 

 

 

 

Thanks for joining me! I am not a blogger but Jesus has called me to be a helper. So here I am with FAQs about purchasing my wedding dress from Europe without trying it on or speaking the same language as the designer. Now if I actually took blogging seriously, I’d start off with a post about my husband, how we met and the engagement. However, we will start with the dress due to popular demand.

“Where there is life, there is love.”

It’s engagement season and if you’re anything like me, finding the perfect dress is at the top of your list! I was super adamant about finding the perfect gown and booking my favorite wedding venue. You guys have no idea!

Unfortunately, but fortunately I’ve always known what I wanted and I am super decisive. So as soon as I got engaged, I already knew what style dress I wanted and exactly where I wanted to marry the man of my dreams!

But enough about the venue!!! Let’s get down to the details on “Crème La Hermoso” Hahaha… Yes I named my wedding dress!

Reflection:

I discovered Lena Berisha on Instagram in 2017 when @weddingsonpoint posted a gorgeous gown that I could not get over!       OH EM GEE… it was literally the prettiest dress that I’d ever seen. It was so beautiful. However, it wasn’t quite what I was looking for. You know how some things are super nice but just not particularly your style? That was my issue. Years ago, I sat with my older cousin and found my dream dress on a Chinese wedding website but it was too risky to order. Plus, I wasn’t even engaged. But anyway, the Lena Berisha gown wasn’t leveling up to the image that I had in my head. After continuing to look for the gown that I discovered with my cousin, I contacted Lena and priced the gown that was posted on Instagram. Once I talked to Lena I realized that she could customize the gown and make my dream dress. We sent sketches back and forth and even photoshopped  a few pictures… eventually we came up with the perfect design. She did her best to create exactly what I wanted. If I had to do it all over again, I totally would.

Just be mindful that not seeing your wedding dress until it arrives in a box, already paid for… is super risky. Try to order your dress months ahead of time and remember to ask Lena not to post your dress until after your wedding. My only complaint is that she posted my dress before our big day, without asking me and it went viral. After paying good money to have a couture gown, you should have the opportunity to share it with the world when you’re ready.

Here are some FAQs about my experience!

Q: Who made your dress?

A: Lena Berisha @lena_berisha

Q: How soon did you order your gown?

A: I made my first deposit in January and received the dress in October.

Q: How much did she communicate with you throughout the process?

A: There was a language barrier and that made it very difficult to express myself and understand everything that Lena was saying. She has an assistant that translates so that helped. Not being able to effectively communicate was frustrating but I had faith that everything would work out. I can’t lie though… my anxiety went through the roof during the times when I hadn’t received a picture in over a month. I guess I wanted a picture like every week.

 

Q: Did you get additional alterations?

A: Yes because I gained weight that I did not have time or energy to lose. I also wanted to make adjustments to the train.

Q: How did you send the money?

A: I was very scared to send the money to a designer that I didn’t know. I didn’t want to do it. I spent about 3 months doing research and after reaching out to almost every bride that was tagged on her profile and talking to a few celebrities who ordered their gowns from Lena… I felt a little bit better. I made my first payment using a credit card because I needed the extra security just in case things went left. Once I saw pictures of the dress and spoke to her a little bit more I went ahead and started wiring money via western union.

 

Q: How much was your dress?

A: I prefer not to share how much I spent on my wedding dress but you are more than welcome to contact Lena and ask her what her design fee is now. Hopefully she went down on her prices 🙂

*remember to convert the Euros to USD!

Q: Did your dress come with a veil?

A: Yes but I wanted something different so I ordered a Vera Wang veil. I never intended on wearing the veil that came with my dress. The Vera Wang veil was perfect!

Hope this helped!!!

God Bless you all as you continue planning your wedding! As I was typing the QNAs God placed this message on my heart… Don’t forget to keep your relationship covered as you matriculate throughout this process. Make sure you are as happy in your relationship as you are about planning your wedding. It’s only one day! When the dust settles and the flowers begin to brown, it’ll just be you and your husband. Your life-partner. Marriage is hard work and it’ll be so much easier if you’re with someone who you truly like and adore. You can grow to love anyone. So again, make sure you genuinely like your man. This is one of the most important moments in life and you should be filled with confidence and joy. Your guy should bring you complete happiness! These are the best of times, Sis. If there’s an ounce of doubt or if you’re unsure please don’t ignore those feelings. Weddings have been around since the beginning of time. We’ve grown from jumping the broom to one million dollar wedding venues. The wedding industry is a multi-billion dollar business. It’s not going anywhere. The décor will only get nicer, the flowers will get fluffier and the dresses will get prettier. Don’t rush and don’t force what doesn’t fit. I promise you that if you are marrying the man of your dreams, your wedding day will be perfect, no matter what dress you select. I also promise that if this is your dress but that isn’t your guy… listen to your intuition because God has his best for you. God is not the author of confusion so don’t disregard any signs. This is serious business. If you ignore your gut you’ll always hear your inner-voice asking why you settled.

Be blessed. Be in like. Be in love.

– Mrs. Blount or Just Call Me Lex